Why does anybody lie?
Because they are afraid of something. Actually they are afraid of two specific things.
And when we are afraid of these things, love and commitment is impossible.
Almost every day, I hear from women who ask why men lie on their profiles – about their age, their weight, even their marital status!
Because my goal is to alert you to the “red flags” of the wrong men, and to become a connoisseur of the “green flags” that the right men put out, let me tell you a few things that will help.
Crucial Tip #1: Not All Men Lie
Some men lie. Some women lie. I want you to never approach a date or a profile with the frame that “I suspect you are a liar.” That is one of the biggest turn-offs a man can experience from you.
Remember – as I’ve been driving home these last few days, men want to be your hero. If he is not a liar, if he is not sinned against you, your suspicion will feel like a dagger to his good will toward you. It will drive him back and away. So you always want to assume the best of the man before you. Innocent until proven guilty.
Now, you and I weren’t born yesterday, so we know we must still be alert. To give your heart and body to a man, you need to trust him.
Trust is the ground floor in the edifice of love.
That is why in Intimacy University, I give you small, almost imperceptible “tests” and “invitations” to bring out his truthfulness and authenticity. Asked right, men reveal their true selves. Asked wrong, men retreat into their defenses.
Crucial Tip #2: Men Lie Because of Shame
Listen closely, because this one fact can change your entire relationship to men…
Male shame is different than female shame. Because women generally glean your self-worth by the love, bonds and affection from your social and family networks, shame is not that big a deal to you. Lack of love hurts much more than a lack of “status” or “respect.”
For men, it’s the opposite. Because our social networks tend to be smaller, because our self-worth is grounded in our status, in our sense of winning (and not losing!), because we are acutely and painfully aware of “failing” in even the smallest ways, we tend to guard our faults and flaws.
Once he trusts you, he will reveal his vulnerabilities and inner doubts. But PLEASE don’t expect him to do that up front. Just as you need to trust him, he needs to trust you before he risks his inner feelings of “shame.”
I ask men in my work with them to be forgiving of you because you need to test their trustworthiness in a many ways – and I urge them to welcome your loving challenge.
So too I ask you to be forgiving of men if they hold back their self-doubts up front. Once he trusts that you will not judge or scorn him for “being human,” you will receive the treasures of his vulnerable and true heart
To learn more about how to do this, please watch this Webinar I just recorded for you…
Crucial Tip 3: Men Lie to Themselves [And Don’t Realize It Until You Come Along]
This is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give a man…
To help him see what he can’t – or wont – see on his own. Namely all the little lies he tells himself to keep his ship moving forward. This isn’t an evil. It isn’t an endemic and fatal flaw. It’s his way of keeping his chin up.
Think of men as “weary warriors.” Out there all day trying to “get ahead.” Involved in subtle, painful status games with his co-workers, his colleagues, bosses and employees. Feeling rejected by women who don’t give him a second look.
Most men are on a mission of some kind, even if it’s to make ends meet or try to do an honorable job.
A man is like a ship plying the waters of the world. That ship is going somewhere, and if the captain has to ignore the little leaks or paper them over in order to keep the ship moving toward its goal – he will.
It is often only in the loving embrace of a good woman that a man can stop and look at those leaks and really deal with them in a spirit of safety, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
If you can be THAT woman – he will be so deeply grateful to you, that he probably will not want to let you go.
Commitment and devotion are HEALING processes. Let me show you how to heal the good man who deserves your heart – and in the process, heal your own heart as well.
I have compiled a “graduate school” level program called Intimacy University where you will learn all the secrets and practices of being THAT AMAZING WOMEN that all good men yearn for.
You can learn more about it and join me for this 5-week program here….
Or you can watch this replay webinar I made for you which explains more deeply what is blocking you from finding the right man for you and inviting him successfully into commitment and devotion.
I want you to walk… actually, to dance!… into a life of love with a good man.
The lessons and practices you will find in Intimacy University are your “magic key” – because they put you inside the mind of the best men – and teach you how to cultivate the love they are holding within into a lifelong appreciation and love for you.
To Your Life of Love,