You know it already – but if you are like most women, you forget it at key moments…
Men feel love – they “process” love – they “understand” love – differently than you do.
Tell me if this sounds familiar…
If you’re like most women, you begin to feel love blooming with a man when…
1: You feel a genuine connection – when you sense that he is unmasked and authentic and vulnerable and you feel safe to be the same way with him.
2. When you feel genuinely “seen” for the woman you have worked hard to become through thick and thin – and you feel appreciated by a man for the happiness and equanimity and self-respect you have achieved in your life, often through overcoming adversity.
3. When you feel “cherished” by a man, which includes (1) being adored for your loving heart, (2) respected for your mind and needs and (3) being made to feel physically and emotionally safe.
Sound about right? When I teach men how to win the right woman’s heart for the long term, I begin them with these three steps. And I give them the practices to make these beautiful feelings “real” – first for them – then for you.
But just as men have to remember that, as a breathing incarnation of feminine love, you need to be treated and cherished a certain way, so too must you remember, if you want to create lasting love, to treat and honor a man in a certain way.
Let’s dig in here for a moment – as this is a good introduction to the path into intimacy I teach in Intimacy University…
Men don’t need to made physically safe by you. They don’t need their “loving heart” recognized right away – although your recognition, once he trusts and values you, will help grow his loving heart (but until then, it won’t matter if you say it.)
Most men process “love” not so much by feeling as if they belong or are valued for their past or their heart but through three very specific filters.
If you can communicate your affection for the right man through these filters, he will hear you in ways men have never heard you before – and you will have a far greater likelihood of creating the conditions for a genuine love connection – one that will last beyond the initial “chemistry” phase.
Here are there three most important filters through which men usually understand and feel “love” from you:
Men’s Love Filter #1: Men Feel Status as Love
Men are fairly binary.
In any situation, in any game, a man feels that he is either “winning” or “losing.”
Baldly stated – if he feels he is winning with you, or can win with you, or you give him the right invitation so he knows it’s even possible to win with you – he will more likely try harder to be the man who earns and wins your heart.
I often speak of the 13 Victories men look for when they first meet a woman – and these are “make-or-break” signals you are giving off that alert him if this is a place where he can be his best – and win.
If you give the wrong signals, the best men will move on to be with someone who will support his best self. Where he will feel like a “winner” in life by having a girlfriend or wife who acknowledges and rewards him for being the good man that he is.
The opposite – a woman who takes him to task for not being what he is not – this is the worst kind of “losing” for a man on a day to day basis. It will crush his spirit and spin him into shame.
Men’s Love Filter #2: His “Body” Is The Bridge to His Heart
Too often women (and men) confuse the impact of the feminine on the masculine body as mere “sex.”
Not true. Your fragrance, your touch, your softness, the sweet electricity that runs through our men’s body’s when your loving hand caresses our heads, rests on our chests or gently strokes our forearms opens up entire circuits of emotional feelings for us. Circuits that often shut down until you open them.
It’s been said that the way to a woman’s body is through her heart. Until you trust and feel adored by a man, you generally don’t want to share your body with a man.
Well for a man, it’s pretty much the opposite.
The way to a man’s heart, to open his vaults of feeling and vulnerability, often only happens through his body.
Your body AMPLIFIES your emotional reality to us, and if you don’t use the full symphony of your body, men will often remain in a heady “tete-a-tete” with you and not be able to access our hearts.
And you will not feel a genuine connection. I can show you multiple ways to elicit a man’s “true and vulnerable” self through the bridge of his body.
Men’s Love Filter #3: Appreciation For His Actions
Too often women write off men’s need to feel “important” as mere ego. And yes, sometimes men operate on that surface level.
But what is operating beneath that level – and more consciously for the best men – is that men quietly yearn (even suffer) to be somebody’s “hero.”
In exact opposition to most young girls’ fairy tale hopes, men don’t want to be
your “Prince.” No man wants to be a boy. A son. Someone waiting to be King.
A real man wants, instead, to be your “knight.” He wants to feel as if he is doing battle to win your heart and deepen your devotion. He might be trying to be your hero by making a living, or fighting for a high purpose, a charity, a principle. He might be doing it in big ways by being of public service or in the smallest ways by changing your light bulbs, holding your umbrella or installing safety tape on your rainy back stairs.
In all these cases and a thousand more I will show you, he is literally seeking a reason to live. A reason for being.
And, as I show you how to do this – you’ll be well served to cultivate his heroic yearning…
It breaks my heart to watch so many budding romances collapse before they could take wing.
It breaks my heart to read your letters every day about lost opportunity and love weakened and lost.
It breaks my heart to read men’s letters to me almost every day asking why they can’t “connect with” or “be understood” by women.
Men and women are talking past each other – and ending up alone.
I want you to join me for “Intimacy University” where I show you step-by-step how to attract, open up, connect deeply with and cultivate the heroic devotion of only the BEST men out there.
The men who are seeking a woman to be a hero for. Who are seeking a harbor. A home.
If you have these “inside” secrets to invite the best of men into the best of committed, devotional relationship, you will not only have the love you seek, but you will bask in his gratitude and his devotion every day.
Because he will feel, in the game of life, he has finally won!
To Your Life of Love,