A gap exists in the world of dating, and I’m here to close it.
This gap is millions of miles wide, and very deep—a seemingly infinite chasm where many dates and relationships fall to their peril.
This gap/chasm is communication, and not communication like, “Bill doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore,” but more like, “I flipped my hair over my shoulder and batted my eyes while asking Bob if he could help me with this weird error message, and all he did was fix my computer instead of asking me out.”
Ladies, you must understand that men and women communicate differently. (I find it funny that I need to write that but I run into these issues time and time again with my coaching clients.)
What you see as very graphic levels of information conveyance, to men, is nothing more than white noise in the background of a Metallica concert.
It’s not that men are “thick”, as its often stated in the feminist magazines, it’s just that we’re grunting and hitting each other while you’re playing advanced levels of Pictionary—both very effective means of communication for their respective audiences, but not between the two.
So, be explicit.
No, we don’t need to hear that you love it when a man sprays his mojo all over your chest and hair—that is probably a bit much for most men and definitely not what I’m getting at here.
I’m saying that you should pay attention to how men communicate and attempt to reach them at whatever level they’re on.
If you’re at work and you’re trying to get Bill from IT to ask you out, don’t ask him to help you with that flashing error message on your computer screen. Unless Bill is a deep, sensitive man who picks up on subtlety (or one of my clients ;)), then it won’t matter how many times you bat your eyes or laugh at his silly Star Trek jokes—Bill is going to fix your flashing error message and get back to work.
We’re men. That’s how we think. We want to fix your problem. We want to be your hero; we want to save you.
So, let’s say you’re dating online, hoping to find the right man. You’re really into health and fitness, and you really want to make sure your man goes to the gym 5 days a week.
You’re going to giggle at all the women posting about men riding up on white horses and whisking them off into the shimmering castle on the hill. You giggle because you know that men never read those stories growing up and reading that on a woman’s profile will likely register a 0.0 on the emotional-connectionmograph.
Instead, you write:
‘Be still my sweaty heart’ if you’re into both pushups and Bulgarian squats. You get two gold stars if you know the proper grip for a deadlift. No slackers: there WILL be a test!”
Cute. Fun. Challenging. And in proper man-speak.
Learn the most effective way to communicate with men, and you’ve got dates on dates on dates. The only question left will be,
“Your gym or mine?”