I like to reminisce about my exes from time to time.
Note I used the word reminisce, which I like to think of as a happy word.
It’s better than mourn. Or resent. Or regret.
I choose to let go of the long hard disagreements at our favorite café that I no longer frequent, or the lifelessness in our conversations when we knew it was over.
I don’t merely try to linger on “things” but rather on the qualities, the traits of character that I was attracted to in the first place.
Because this is where love was born with them, and where it still resides. No matter what else happened on the bumpy roads.
It’s funny how we like to throw exes in the mix with Genghis Khan, as if all they did was terrorize us, trampling our farms and pillaging our stores. But exes actually nourished us, for good and for bad. They helped to create the roadmaps for us that will lead to more ideal and happier partnerships.
Yes, exes are like Google Maps for your future relationships.
So, as you look forward, think about the man you want to be with…
What qualities did your exes have that you still cherish, that you honor – no matter what else happened. Start adding those up. Start describing those qualities in as much detail as possible – and get them into your profile.
Make them your call to the universe!
After a breakup, you usually don’t know what you want; you just don’t want what you had. And that’s fine. It makes sense.
But there was something about him that you were attracted to in the first place. There was a reason – or set of specific reasons – that you two lovebirds settled upon that sycamore tree and built your little sacred nest together.
And if you allow yourself to leave behind the things of the past, the bitterness, sadness and disgust, what’s left is are those character road markers – directing you toward the love that is waiting for you.
This is not about you reminiscing over your exes in order to go back and “fix” what broke.
Nooo. You broke-up for a reason.
This is about using the information of your past to help build a better future. This is about going into the laboratory of your mind and heart—like some sexy Dr. Frankenstein—and assembling the man of your dreams, piece by piece.
Is there a “one” out there for you? Perhaps. It’s my opinion that are many right “ones.”
How will you know if he’s a right one?
Do your best to love the markers that brought you to this moment. Resentment is not a good look—and I promise you it’s not attractive to men.
Every ex may have broken your heart, but they’ve given you important gifts: road signs toward a better relationship.
Thank him for that…silently.
And look ahead with gratitude.
To better articulate the character qualities of the man you desire – go HERE.